there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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