dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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