finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
