can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
