i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
