if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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