A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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