just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
