He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
