Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
