my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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