dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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