he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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