I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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