it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
