Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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