Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
