Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
