my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
