you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she peed on how many people?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
