can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
