I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
