Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
