i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
