Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
