thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So apparently I’m into choking now
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