Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
