can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize