The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to walk on stilts...naked
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
