the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
