I wish my penis had an off switch
I cannot find my penis.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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