and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
