Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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