The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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