Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
