I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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