she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
