I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
