so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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