Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FUCK WHALES
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
