I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
