Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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