May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
