You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
