how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
