Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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