too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
