32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Found the puke drawer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
