i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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