It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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