you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
