Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
