Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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