I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
