I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
