He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
