Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I stole a fireplace last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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