just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
