So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
