The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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