I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could make wine with my vomit
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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