I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize