During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is my life. Enjoy the view
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
