the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
