I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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