i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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