Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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