Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
