as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
