I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
