i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
