I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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