i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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