A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
