Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
