she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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