8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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