and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think i have two assholes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
