Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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