Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
