It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
