Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
