You work out of a Hotel?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
