yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
