from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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