I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
