i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
