grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize