ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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