There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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